5 Steps To Integrity

Integrity - being in congruence with oneself - living one's values ​​and beliefs too, these are important values ​​for people who want to make more of their life.

What Is Integrity Anyway?

Integrity is increasingly required as an important, desirable requirement for certain professions. It is becoming increasingly important, especially among top managers.

But again and again we see in everyday life that there is a discrepancy between strength of character, honesty and actual life. Is it due to the lack of lived role models? Is the sentence correct:

"Those who are aware of their own dignity can no longer be seduced." ?

Is it perhaps because of our self-worth (LINK)), which is still inferior and leads us into unnecessary and unhealthy addictions?

Definition:

Integrity is the correspondence of personal values ​​with one's own actions. A person of integrity lives in the knowledge that his personal convictions, standards and values ​​are also expressed in his behavior.

The synonyms for integrity are incorruptibility, impeccability and impeccability.

The opposite would then be corruption, i.e. letting oneself be guided by external temptations or threats.

A person of integrity is not a weather vane in the wind, but a compass that permanently and correctly points north regardless of the weather. It's not about perfectionism (LINK), but about authenticity and honesty towards yourself and your values.

The Latin word “INTEGRARE” means RESTORE, MAKE WHOLE.

Living integrity is a process of permanent positive change in one's own personality. INTEGRITAS means INTEGRITY. This also thinks of the inner person, of his characteristics, qualities, weaknesses, which are based on healthy values ​​and can be developed into a better quality of life.

Why Is Integrity So Important?

1. It's about credibility and trust

• Integrity is the basis for our relationships, both privately and professionally.

• You can rely on people of integrity.

Integrity pays off in business. Not only financially, but also in the world of relationships.

2. Integrity promotes quality of life

• Living upright, honest feels good. Bad posture affects our wellbeing.

• Living in "hypocrisy" makes us lose our confidence in ourselves. We become easily manipulable.

• Our self-esteem (LINK) has a lot to do with our lived integrity.

A good conscience is always rewarded. This quality of life is characterized by a high level of self-worth. A reason to be happy!

3. Our world of relationships is strengthened

• “Playing roles” and “wearing masks” is becoming less attractive.

• If you talk honestly about everything, then real answers and solutions can be found, because after all it is said: "Honesty lasts the longest!"

• Our environment feels that it is treated with dignity and respect. One is more attentive, more affectionate, more loving and understanding and rests in inner peace.

In a marriage relationship in particular, integrity promotes the quality of happiness. Honesty, mutual understanding and good listening (LINK) make a partner life really worth living.

4. Our health is promoted

• A large proportion of mental illnesses could be prevented if our integrity were so strong that we neither impose our will on others nor allow us to be belittled in our eyes by the opinions of others.

• Act on principles, not opinions! We are easily distracted from our resolutions.

• Integrity directs our minds towards truth, importance, expressiveness and reality. When we approach health issues in this way, we realize that we are often dishonest of ourselves. However, if we're really up for it, the banal, frivolous, picky, exotic, improbable, and idiotic no longer captivate us.

• Integrity helps us examine the evidence and see our own prejudice. It demands high standards from us and forces us to base our beliefs on evidence, not whims.

• In short, integrity protects us from hypocrisy.

A friendship built on integrity is based on reality, the truth and leads to mutual support and respect.

5. Integrity is a protection

• Integrity has saved thousands from becoming addicted for turning down a drug offer when fascinated by the prospect of pleasure.

• How many smokers ignore known facts in an attempt to “belong” or appear “more interesting”?

• There is a big difference between becoming dependent on ignorance and intentionally hiding the truth.

Who likes to say: NO thanks. But sometimes it's a necessary decision. Especially when it comes to meaningful principles that affect our lives and our future.

In summary it can be said:

Integrity is the basis for good mental health, trustworthy interpersonal relationships and responsible behavior.

Integrity is an essential factor in the NEWSTART PLUS concept (LINK). Integrity is a behavior that has a significant impact on our health.

Let us promote it!

Thoughts from www.lug-mag.com

Compassion makes you happy

How nice is the feeling of being understood by others! Solving conflicts with compassion helps our quality of life.

What is compassion?

Compassion must have something to do with FEELING, a feeling for others and to share with others.

Synonyms are:

Compassion - feeling condolences - empathy - sensitivity for others - feeling compassion - feeling - feeling sorry for someone - showing tact and understanding - actually feeling sympathy and empathy for others.

Wikipedia says that this includes the ability to respond appropriately to other people's feelings. This can be done, for example, with pity, expressing mourning and possibly willingness to help.

It is interesting that the basis of compassion - or empathy - is self-awareness. This means that the better and more openly a person is able to deal with their own emotions, the better they can interpret the feelings of others and react constructively to them.

What compassion is NOT:

Indifference - cold-heartedness - hard-heartedness or heartlessness.

Since we also know such reactions in our society, we have to admit that compassion can be a hot topic, which can often lead to conflicts. If there are - often also unconsciously - fears

associated with us that cause such feelings of rejection, it can lead to destructive reactions.

Self-awareness as a basic competence

Da die Selbstwahrnehmung ein so wichtiges Element für unser Mitgefühl ist, scheint es angebracht, darüber einige Gedanken zu machen.

Since self-awareness is such an important element in our compassion, it seems worthwhile to think about it.

Self-awareness, i.e. the perception of myself, is essential for the formation of self-confidence. This leads to an understanding of the external perception, i.e. the perception of another person. The sum of these self-perceptions forms our self-image. Our self-esteem (BLOG) is of course closely connected with this.

Our senses combined with information from the environment shape our understanding of ourselves and form our self-image into adulthood. However, this can change far into old age and hopefully develop positively.

Our understanding of our body (structure and functions) leads to our body image. This can lead to disruptions, even distortion, denial or repression, and thus self-deception, which can lead to diseases such as anorexia and excessive sense of shame, for example, because of unreached images. Social incompetence is then associated with this.

It is therefore understandable that love, which leads to self-love, is an extremely important element, where every responsible person - parents and educators - has to be smart in order to implant this love in their counterpart. (see blog about Love Languages)

Good role models are important

Each of them has role models. If they are good, we benefit from them. If they are close to us, then our love tank can stay full. But unfortunately there are many children - I experience this again and again when teaching - who are insufficiently loved and therefore show fearful reactions that sometimes indicate a lot of inner aggressions.

It is astonishing which ’mountains’ you can climb with children if you raise them properly, treat them with compassion and love. The more their love tank is filled, the stronger and more mature they will be in life.

How can we fill our love tank?

Where did you, dear reader, find a source of love? In your life partner? In your best friend? How do you fill your love tank? Is it perhaps a tendency to enjoyment (addiction) that has crept in, or a flight into a media world where some dopamine (happiness hormone) is to be expected? (BLOG)

My role model

My own role model is JESUS himself. I immediately feel accepted by HIM. He also accepts me with my mistakes. And He always surprises me with the care and love He shows me every day.

The idea that Jesus always had the power to defend himself leads to a deeper understanding of the compassion he mjust have had for us: He really wanted to give us all a chance to be saved.

What we can learn from JESUS

Those who have the privilege to read and study the stories of Jesus in the Gospels already have access to His kind of compassion and love.

No wonder many people have always followed Him. With Him they could fill up their love tank. Jesus had deep compassion and feelings for those around him. He immediately recognized their needs and desires. He knew that they were afraid and without orientation, like sheep without a shepherd.

Countless times it drove Him to heal their physical and mental injuries, to forgive their sins and to strengthen their hearts and heal illnesses. His touch alone brought healing. No injury was stronger than He could handle. His compassion led Him to countless deeds and also words with which He wanted to make God's love understandable to His fellow men.

Compassion in conflicts

Jesus' relationship with Jewish authorities was somewhat complex. He took time for the Pharisee Nicodemus (Joh 3), He healed the daughter of the synagogue leader Jairus (Mk 5) and He was often invited to eat with the Pharisees (Lk 7 & 14). They all needed His love, His compassion. Still, they followed Him at every turn and set traps to outsmart Him with crafty questions.

He wept over the Jewish leaders (Mt 23). His compassion was unprecedented, despite challenges and conflicts. His offer of grace had no limits.

Finding your way around in today's world is a major challenge for most people. The information overload prevents many from finding their meaning in life. Distraction here and there. What do I actually want? Isn't it love, real love that interests me? Even find a source of love? I want to understand better what our short life is all about. This is exactly where JESUS helps us.

The love of Jesus

Jesus' mindset (Phil 2) and His thinking and attitudes show his selfless love that made him willing to die even for us. He let himself be humiliated to death without defending himself. How great must His love for us, for you, for me have been! That is the love that I need in my life. It leads to the highest quality of life. It enables you to live a life with the most mature compassion, for the blessing of the environment.

Jesus makes an offer to all of us. He opens His source of love to us and wants to make it a reality in our lives. How can this happen?

Growing in Christ

Through his death on the cross, Jesus triumphed over the power of evil. The enemy's powers can be overcome by HIM. If we strengthen our relationship with Him, He can also share with us His victory over evil. Through this we will receive His peace, joy and assurance of His love. What a quality of compassion can be expected!

The Holy Spirit then dwells in us and gives us strength every day. This frees us from all of our legacy problems. Our life gains meaning and quality of life.

If we cultivate this relationship with Christ on a daily basis, then our fears are replaced by love, more and more every day. Through community care in prayer, in his word, in devotion and thinking about his presence and guidance, we experience happiness, a joy of life that we never want to exchange.

Our whole environment will notice that we have a full love tank that extends to our surroundings. Our social fears turn into compassion and sympathy. Our self-competence and social competence, called EQ (BLOG), will increase and become a blessing for everyone around us.

The Bible speaks of a fruit that then shows itself. In Galatians chapter 5: 22-23 we read about this fruit:
But the fruit of the spirit is:

LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, FRIENDLINESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, SELF-CONTROL

Which of these quality features would you like to have yourself? Select 3 of them.

The good news is: since this is not several fruit but one fruit, you will receive all of these gifts at the same time. Isn't that a sensational offer?

Knowing yourself loved conveys new powers. Feeling like a child of God and being cared for and guided by JESUS gives deep joy and strength to bear all the daily burdens. With HIM new worlds of relationships open up. Suddenly I can deal with difficult people and situations much better. Thank God.

All we can do is to spend time with Jesus, get to know Him better, choose Him and open our hearts to Him so that we can plant these qualities.

If I can support you, I would be very happy to do so. You can contact me at any time. (ernst.zwiker@yahoo.com)

May our dear Lord bless you

Keeping Love Alive – Part 2 - Three Phases

Dear Reader, today’s blog is the second in a little series of articles written by my brother, a practicing psychotherapist near Bern, Switzerland who helps couples and families enrich their lives with practical counsel. You won’t want to miss out!

The following is a condensed version of an article published in "Leben und Gesundheit" (Life and Health - LINK), a German magazine from Switzerland, which I subscribe to and recommend.

The Three Phases of a Relationship

1.   The Fascination Phase

Love relationships normally go through these three phases.

In the fascination phase, the sky seems bluer and more inspiring, the stars twinkle brighter and the air seems fresher than ever before.

It’s a time when couples are highly sensitive to each other’s needs, and during the fascination phase, this sensitivity often spills over into other areas of life. The couple is completely absorbed with one another. Both parties blossom and bloom in the other’s presence and can’t seem to spend enough time together. They blend their lives together until their natural boundaries melt and mesh together until they become one.

WE ARE are the watchwords!

2. The Retraining-Phase

In this phase, a certain normalcy takes over in which the beloved dream begins to become scratched and tarnished. This situation holds great potential for conflict.

I suddenly realize that my partner is very different from what I had imagined in my loneliness with my tunnel vision. Subjects that in an earlier phase had been openly discussed or benevolently pardoned are now the cause of conflict or perhaps disappointed retreat. This is when partners begin to draw their lines of demarcation. This is a period of tough negotiation and compromise and is often accompanied by frustration and disappointment.

I and YOU are the focal point.

3. The Acceptance Phase

In this phase, a sensitive balance is achieved between

emotional closeness and distance,

togetherness and autonomy,

personal responsibility and care for each other,

self-assertion and surrender,

intimacy and keeping an air of mystery.

In this way, the relationship becomes deep and peaceful, yet preserves a vitality, full of interesting challenges and surprises.

I and YOU once again become WE.

Challenges

Each phase is valuable and necessary. The more the ability to love is present, the quicker a couple can reach the third phase. If the partners don’t go through a maturing process, their relationship will be in danger of shipwreck.

Phase 1 - Fascination

Dreamers hoping to find themselves in their perfect ideals

This phase builds an important foundation through intense shared experiences, which can strengthen the ability to bond.

When Monica and George (names changed) talk about their vacation plans, they can agree very quickly. “Whatever you want is fine” is their motto. The important thing is being together. When you’re in love, you don’t need to fight!

So Monica joins George when he wants to go rock climbing in the mountains, scuba diving and riding motorcycles. George watches romantic movies and goes to relationship seminars with her. His snoring is not a problem for her, and he overlooks the over-filled hamper and all the papers and notes on the kitchen table. They know how to discern between important issues and trivialities.

The important thing is being together

In spite of their strong bonds, once in a while they feel the need to do something separately. The more intense their connection, the more energetically their individualities will call for compensation. When the initial euphoria of being in love begins to wear off, the loneliness that had been concealed beneath it will again begin to surface. The depth of an individual’s loneliness will determine the intensity of the reaction.

Suddenly

• Monica wants to spend a carefree evening alone with her long neglected girlfriends.

• George wants to thunder over a mountain pass with his old biker friends without consideration of female needs.

• they realize they have partially given up their own identities and need to rediscover who they are.

• fear arises. Strife follows. Ideals begin to crumble. The images of her knight in shining armor and his lovely princess begin to fade. The stronger these impressions were, the more painful the thud when reality strikes.

• George sees Monica’s happy-go-lucky ways and chaotic tendencies as irritating evidences that she is a less than perfect, if not lousy, homemaker.

• Monica redefines George’s courage and daring as recklessness.

• the joy in diversity and spontaneity is replaced with feelings of contempt.

• both put a surprising amount of energy into their battle for individuality and conflicting ideals.

• arguments are frequent. If these are carried out in a constructive and respectful manner, there is good reason for hope.

‘The important thing is being together’ phase is usually replaced by a challenging time of truly getting to know each other. During this phase, each party defines him- or herself anew. The ability to love is strongly influenced by one’s self-love. For example, the better I can truly love myself, the better I will succeed in truly loving others.

2. The Retraining-Phase

Battles and Bargains

What a shock! Monica doesn’t want to ride motorcycles anymore. Her strength and motivation are depleted. George has heard enough conversations on relationships. He would like to have a little adventure followed by some great sex.

Unfortunately, many couples end their relationship at this point. They can’t see how they can get around or deal with each other’s differences constructively.

Recognizing Benefits

These new developments are actually necessary and can be very liberating because the fascination phase can be quite demanding. Now is the time to recognize and acknowledge one’s own normality and true identity as well as that of one’s partner. The times of trying to hide every fault and wrinkle are finally a thing of the past. In this atmosphere, the couple is free to develop and mature.

The more disappointed George and Monica are, the more self-righteous their arguments are. They hone their bargaining, manipulation, threatening and flattery skills in their efforts to retrain one another. Every compromise is the result of a hard-fought battle.

There is just no getting around these realizations: Monica’s sense of logic is in no way comparable with George’s. She tends to express her feelings, while he hides behind his work.

Studies and Sexuality

Studies show that conflicts among couple are only 30% about being right or wrong, guilty or innocent. Seventy per cent of the cases are about understanding and categorizing differences in experience, thoughts and feelings. Here lies the battle.

On the outside, they both experience the same thing, but the way they process it is completely different. The best thing they could do is to try to discover one another’s world. Trying to solve this problem with power games and bossiness can only lead to pain and suffering.

At this stage, Monica allows George to have his way in their sexual relationship, which leaves her at a decided disadvantage, with her needs unmet. He follows his intuition, cares for his needs and dreams his fantasies. He likes to lead, but sometimes it gets to be too much responsibility, and he would rather let her take the lead. He would love to be seduced. She would like to have his undivided attention and total acceptance, and she would like him to listen to and understand her. That would unlock her heart and awaken a desire for intimacy and sex. Because George experiences sex as an ego booster, he can actually solve his conflicts with it. Sometimes it works for Monica as well.

Talking is Good

How can they understand each other if they don’t talk openly about their thoughts?

They are more different than they thought.

There is great potential in diversity. Even the most sensitive lover needs to be introduced to the inner life of his or her partner. This is true, not only of sexuality, but also for every other area of life as well.

Reconciling Differences

The knight and the princess have been transformed. Being reconciled with their differences opens a heretofore unimagined spectrum of possibilities for the future. Slowly, but surely they are welded together into an unbeatable team that can handle every challenge that comes their way

Imagine what it would be like if your partner were exactly like you! Wouldn’t that be a nightmare? Isn’t it wonderful that we are all different? Just think of the potential! We can benefit from each other, learn from each other and develop synergies. Together we are strong! But this is only true when we learn to take full advantage of the potential that is locked up in our differences.

3. Acceptance Phase

Face the Challenge

Monica has noticed that George’s talent for organizing and sense of order can be very helpful to her. He is hard working and steady as the day is long. As time progresses, he also recognizes the positive aspects of her flexibility. She can easily adapt to new situations, and her intuition for understanding complex problems in childrearing helps him take things a little easier. Suddenly they see the value in being different and complementing each other.[O1] 

One great opportunity in this phase is that both parties can learn to be freer to be themselves with each other. Yes, we may, or rather we should be different, even though we don’t always completely understand.

Live, and Let Live!

Being loved and accepted as you are is very liberating. In this atmosphere no one feels like a victim. Instead, a feeling of mutual dedication and a willingness to compromise are developed. These are assets that every successful couple must have in order to meet subsequent challenges. Like having children!

Couples who can keep their respective friends, individualities and hobbies are stronger and remain more interesting for each other over the years. They always find ways to surprise each other.  

More information (in German) at the following links:

www.paardynamik.ch

www.danielzwiker.ch

How can some couples still get along fabulously after over 30 years of marriage? They meet most challenges together and know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. They also know when they need help from the outside. Fantastic!

Keeping Love Alive – Part 1

Love at SECOND sight – What a very promising thought!

Dear Reader, today is the first of a little series of articles written by my brother, a practicing psychotherapist near Bern, Switzerland who helps couples and families enrich their lives with practical counsel. You won’t want to miss out!

Today’s blog is a condensed version of an article published in "Leben und Gesundheit" (Life and Health) (LINK), a German magazine from Switzerland, which I subscribe to and recommend.

Do Marriages Have to Be Perfect?

Take a SECOND LOOK!

Happy marriages with love at second sight are based on deep friendships. When the usually euphoric “in love” phase is followed by a time of deep bonding, where both parties express their continued respect and interest in each other on a daily basis, love is preserved.

Marriages don’t have to be perfect. In fact, they cannot be. In spite of and actually because of differences in personality, bonds are formed that are strong enough to cope with challenges and conflicts. One may expect rich rewards in return for serious efforts and exertions made in this direction.

Sadly Missed Opportunities

It is so sad that the value of a marriage often remains unrecognized until it’s too late to save it. Sometimes, all that would have been needed was a little more mutual sympathy and appreciation. Why don’t we train our mind’s eyes to recognize and show our appreciation for the effort behind the deeds we so often tend to take for granted?

Divorces hurt all who are involved. Unhappy marriages raise the risk of sickness by 35%, and life expectancy is shortened by four years. Stress hormone levels in children of divorced parents are often chronically high.

The Priceless Benefits of Happy Families

Positive relationships are worthwhile: Happily married couples live longer thanks to a higher quality of life and stronger immune systems. Additionally, their offspring are generally happier, which in turn leads to happier grandchildren. Because happy people are less likely to fall into addictions and can deal with conflict, society is also benefitted.

Going in the same direction, reaching mutual goals together, becoming a team that can handle all kinds of challenges – who wouldn’t want that?

The Landscape of Your Partner’s Soul

The landscape of the earth’s surface can be a symbol to help us understand a person’s psychological landscape. There are lush meadows and forests, fruitful fields, high mountains and valleys with stone arches, boulders, and caves. Sometimes narrow gorges and gulches are followed by broad grasslands or a desert oasis.

Couples allow each other access to their inner souls. This means they share experiences, stories and insights only they know. Sharing, discovering and exploring each other’s inner landscapes is a great adventure, as well as a unique privilege and distinguishing mark of true partnership.

Questions for Such an Expedition

o What events have shaped my partner’s life?

o What individuals have been important for him or her in the past and why?

o What stresses him or her the most and why?

o What are his or her goals and dreams? What gives his or her life meaning?

o How has my partner overcome his or her greatest challenges?

o Why does he or she express his or her feelings in a particular way in certain situations?

These questions should not, of course, be dealt with all at once, but if they are employed at appropriate times, their effect on a marriage will be immensely enriching.

Being responsive to a partner, learning his or her love language (LINK) – it doesn’t have to be a yacht, but a surprise every now and then would definitely add spice to a relationship. Awesome!

The Most Important Gift

The birth of a couple’s first child is often a drastic turning point in married life. At that point, marital satisfaction is diminished considerably in 67% of couples. On the one hand, the wife feels abandoned by her husband, because he doesn’t support her enough. She has no time and space for herself, because she has full responsibility (and no experience) for the baby. On the other hand, the husband feels neglected, because his wife spends hours taking care of the child and has no time and attention to spare for him.

It’s nice that 33% of all couples preserve their happiness in spite of the challenges. Why is that?

It could be that they had created an atmosphere of respect for each other, in which they spoke about the developments as they arose and listened to each other’s needs and wishes. They were not so engrossed in their own needs and desires, but continued to think of and to care for each other as though their relationship were still the most important thing. They each made sure they had time for each other.

Ernst: In this situation, men hold the key and responsibility for their own happiness, as well as that of their wives. When a man realizes his wife is overburdened with caring for the newest member of the family and invests his time and energy in helping her, he will be able to sympathize with her. She will not feel abandoned, and he will not feel neglected. They will be a perfect team, working toward a common goal. Oh, how Terri and I wish we had understood this principle 36 years ago!

There are few gifts that have a more lasting effect than the joy that comes from being understood and accepted.

Couples who know each other’s inner landscapes can overcome crises and challenges much easier than those who don’t. They empower each other and are bonded together with cords of love that cannot be broken. As a team, they are invincible!

Children are a wonderful gift that can be best enjoyed when the parents are not forgotten in the process of raising them. Raising children is a great challenge that leaves many positive tracks in the lives of those who take it seriously, because in order to educate children properly, parents must first educate themselves!

An Idea

Invite your husband or wife out on date. It could be a walk in the park, a meal in a restaurant or any form of celebrating your togetherness. Take one of the above questions with you and listen to each other’s responses with both ears. Repeat the answers you hear with your own words to make sure you understand each other well. As you get to know each other better, you will be amazed at the joy you can find in exploring your partner’s inner landscape!

More information (in German) can be found in the links below:

www.paardynamik.ch

www.danielzwiker.ch

Unconditional Love in Marriage

Anyone who opens up to this type of love in a relationship will experience miracles!

I hope you were able to take a look at the two previous blogs on this topic:

CONDITIONAL LOVE - GOOD OR BAD ?

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - THE BEST OF THE BEST

Let me repeat briefly:

There are always reasons in a marriage to put the blame on the partner when there is a conflict. we're world champions in that, aren't we? As soon as you overlook it and look for the solution instead of depressing your partner, then you are on the right track.

We have also found out that there can be conditional and unconditional love in any type of relationship. If these components are positively aligned, the relationship can benefit significantly.

Unconditional love is love for love's sake.

She survives all challenges and all disappointments.

• Unconditional love does not expect the other to do something concrete or to return love.

• It shows itself in loyalty and understanding, even if the other has made a mistake.

• It shows in caring and empathic action, e.g. when the other is sick or weak.

• Unconditional love is a goal in a two-person relationship and leads to charity.

• Ultimately, completely unconditional love can only be found in God's source of love.

We find this love nowadays especially in young mothers who treat their babies in this way. If we could transfer that to the adult level, the world would look different.

In this we men can't quite keep up with the ladies! But we can be inspired by this motherly love.

Where else can we find unconditional love?

All people who have access to the Christian faith can recognize and experience this love there. The fact that a Creator God cares for us from infinitely far away, in which he tries to save us from our lousy situation, even allows himself to be ridiculed and finally tormented and dies without having placed a condition on us, then shows this potential for love, which cannot be found anywhere else, in any other religion. Unique, sensational.

To meet the Creator God in His created nature is a special experience for many believers.

Whoever opens up to this thought has access to unconditional love, which can then be reflected in his own life. It penetrates our heart and can change it in a positive way. If you want to try this out, you can read the last chapters of the four Gospels under prayer. There you meet the love climax, the love source.

Whoever understands God's love can get along well with everyone because he can see it through 'God's eye'. Even loving one's enemies is then possible.

In relationships

We will stop re-educating our partner. Even if we think it is for the benefit of the partner. We concentrate on accepting it a priori as it is, including the weaknesses. We are happy about our partner because he is our friend who has chosen me as a person. We are a team and we will not let anyone destroy this cooperation. Not even by myself. This eliminates many unnecessary fears, which promotes love motivation, which leads to positive changes and reduces weaknesses.

He who loves his wife loves himself (Eph 5:28)

This verse got under my skin. Could it be that if I react nervously and awkwardly to my wife that I actually have a problem with myself?

I wanted to test this out. And every time I was impatient with Terri, I had to admit that I was actually not at peace with myself. Give it a try!

Every time I stopped nagging and went inside to find out and clear up the dissonance.

A pair that sticks together through thick and thin is unbeatable. Such a team is formed by mutual victories and defeats on the basis of unconditional love.

Without pride and selfishness, most problems could be solved in 5 minutes!

This sentence has it all. He wants to show that we often move far away from selflessness and humility. Our society promotes pride and individuality so much that we too are tempted to do so. But with that we build social walls.

Suggestion: With the next problem, try to deal analytically with what YOUR own pride or selfishness could be. If you recognize him, then it is also easy to recognize him in your partner. Often it is even easier to spot the mistakes in the partner. You tend to be 'blind' to yourself.

Knowing yourself is the best way to get better

Where there is pride, there are problems. Those who can grasp their ego have great advantages in improving their emotional intelligence, let's say their social skills. Nothing stands in the way of quality relationships. This applies to all social levels, including the professional level.

Pride is socially recognized and trained. He brought us many wars. He blinds us and closes us off to the needs of others. Nothing against the joy of performance and quality. But pride comes before the fall. Humility builds up and leads to peace.

Unconditional love in a two-person relationship

It is important to make a conscious start. Even if only one partner starts doing it, there is a profit. Sure, there is a risk of exploitation and injury. But only if you can be exploited and injured. Those who are at peace with themselves, who have accepted themselves completely, also lose this fear. Unconditional love is not an unconditional surrender! On the contrary. She lets herself be extremely valuable. An added value with high self-worth.

Married couples can really build each other up, help, promote, convey self-worth, go through challenges or be carried. That forms the quality of the relationship.

The speed of maturation increases the stronger the will of both partners. Couples can switch from unhappy to happy in just one month. But then you have to be able to let go, forgive the old injuries and be ready for a new beginning. It's quick to write, but corresponds to deeper inner struggles and victories over yourself. Anyone who needs help can knock on Jesus at any time, who has promised to help. Because God is love, and whoever is in love is in God and God is in him!

Characteristics for unconditional love are:

Concerning yourself:

• Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses

• See and express the good in critical moments

• Replace 'love substitute gratifications' with goal-oriented action

• Delight in truth, authenticity and integrity

• Instead of manipulation, live respect, also towards yourself

• Decision on the path of maturation

• Patience brings you further, encourages listening to yourself and others

• It's not the feelings that count, it's the decision

• Become master of circumstances - be disaster-independent

At the beginning of every conscious change is the decision: "Yes, I want to go this way." If this motivation remains, then nothing stands in the way that cannot be mastered.

Regarding relationship:

• Modesty, loyalty, reliability

• Trust without control

• miss each other without jealousy

• Interest in time together

• Interest in truth and authenticity

• find each other without getting lost

• live respect instead of manipulation

• Security without loss of freedom

• Say "sorry" and mean it

• Accept and give help

• Interest in the partner's well-being, promotion

• Pray for one another, educate one another, read together

Every day gives us the opportunity to show the partner that we are a team, stick together, tackle problems together, think and feel for one another, support one another and like one another. What a chance!

• Regarding the environment:

• Respect for all living things

• Respect for the rights of others and their property

• Patiently addressing obvious problems of social need

• Gratitude, honesty, kindness in everything you do

• Quality awareness - quality wins

Many people don't know how bad things are for them. They need help, maybe from YOU, to be cleared up what unconditional love actually is, that there is much more value in life than they assumed. Because everyone is looking for love. Everyone needs them urgently.

Living love results in a highly qualified life, living together and suffering; it helps to feel the wishes, longings and needs of the other as one's own and not to lose oneself in them.

May many people benefit and choose from this love and be blessed by it.

I am happy to support you on this path. Book an appointment under Beratung/Counseling