Children and youth love digital media. Many of their needs, especially approval and attention, seem to be covered through this means. For a short time, while they are in their digital world, they feel like their emotional love tanks are being filled. Instead of getting their needs satisfied through social contacts, they find the digital solution much easier and more carefree.
If you would like to know whether your child handles media in a balanced or not so balanced way, you might like to do the TEST at the end of this blog.
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INTRO - TODDLERS - PRESCHOOL - - TEENAGERS
A Case Study – Ingrid
Ingrid bought her 7-year-old son, Mark, an iPad while he was in the first grade. She thought to herself, “Why shouldn’t he be able to keep up with the other kids?” Mark’s school had begun to introduce such devices in the younger grades, and his teacher had praised their pedagogical benefits. Since Ingrid wanted to do what was best for her boy, she allowed him to play certain selected educational games on his iPad.
One day Mark discovered 'Minecraft'. His teacher assured her was simply an electronic form of LEGO building blocks. Remembering how much fun she had had playing with those plastic blocks as a child, Ingrid allowed her son to spend his afternoons playing Minecraft rather than reading or playing baseball like he had previously done.
At the outset, Ingrid was quite happy with the situation. Mark seemed to be very creative as he explored the mysterious cubed world on his iPad. She soon realized that the game was not really like the LEGOs she remembered: after all, she had never had to kill any animals or find rare minerals in order to survive and graduate to the next level with her old beloved LEGO blocks. But Mark really seemed to enjoy playing and the school even had a Minecraft Club. So, what could be so bad about it?
Still, Ingrid could not deny a noticeable difference in her son. He began to concentrate more and more on his digital game, lost all interest in baseball and reading and refused to do his chores. Some mornings when he woke up, he reported having seen the cubed forms in his dreams.
Although it worried her a little, Ingrid told herself it must just be his active imagination. When his behavior deteriorated, she tried to take the game away from him. He threw such a fit of anger that she gave in and comforted herself with the thought that “at least it’s educational.” Then, one night it became crystal clear to her that something had gone terribly wrong.
Ingrid reports: "I went into his room to check on him. He should have been asleep. I was afraid. I found him sitting up in bed, staring with bloodshot eyes at something, or nothing, in the distance. His glowing iPad lay next to him on the bed. He seemed to be in a trance. I was beside myself and had to shake him several times to get him to snap out of it."
She was completely distraught and could not understand how her once healthy, happy boy had become so addicted to that game and ended up in this hypnotic daze.
The game industry is not sleeping. New ways to step into the digital world are being invented every day. Some things might appear to be reasonable at first, but for the farsighted, perhaps dangerous.
Is Gaming a Drug?
While it is true that not every young boy is influenced in the same way as every other, we must realize that iPads, smartphones und Xboxes are a digital form of drugs.
It’s very interesting to note that many tech designers and engineers in Silicon Valley choose NO-TECH schools for their own children and raise them low-tech at home.
Many parents understand intuitively that the ever-present glowing screens have a negative effect on their children. They see the aggressive tantrums thrown when deprived of their devices and note a loss of attention span. Children who spend lots of time playing highly stimulating games are easily distracted and cannot seem to concentrate on anything less “attractive”. Worse yet, we see many children who feel bored, apathetic and disinterested whenever they are not connected to their digital world.
But wait! There’s more! It gets worse than that! As stated earlier, these digital devices can affect the human brain just as drugs do. Brain scans show how the frontal lobe (BLOG), our control center for executive functions, including impulses is influenced in the same way as by cocaine. This technology is so hyper-stimulating that it raises dopamine levels (the feel-good neurotransmitter involved in the addiction process) just like sex.
This addictive effect is the reason Dr. Peter Whybrow, Director of neuroscience at UCLA, calls screens “electronic cocaine.” Chinese researchers call them “digital heroin.” Dr. Andrew Doan, the head of addiction research for the Pentagon and the US Navy, has been delving into the subject of game addictions. He has dubbed screen technology and video games "Digital Pharmakeia" (Greek for drug).
Knowing this, it’s no surprise it’s hard to pry our children away from their screens. No wonder they get upset when their screen time is interrupted. Above and beyond this, there are hundreds of clinical studies showing that depression, phobias and aggression are intensified by the use of screen technology and can lead to psychotic behavior, whereby the video player loses contact with reality.
What value do we place on our freedom to think and act? Is freedom still possible? Are we dependent on social media? How far do we want to go? Adults can decide for themselves, but parents must set the limits for their children. I wish them much wisdom and strength.
Treatment for Addictions
Treatment for a child who has crossed the line and is addicted to technology is very difficult. Some therapists claim it’s easier to treat a heroin addict than a matrix video gamer or a social media junkie.
The American Academy of Pediatrics reported in 2013 that 8 to 10-year-olds spent eight hours daily with some kind of digital media, while for teens it was 11 hours. A whopping 33% of children were already using smartphones or tablets before they could talk.
In digital detox programs, NO computers, smartphones, tablets, and in extreme cases, TVs, are allowed for 4-6 weeks. This is the time needed for an over-stimulated nervous system to reboot. However, in our technology-based society, it’s an extremely difficult task. Screens are everywhere. It’s often easier to get away from drugs and alcohol than from media.
What makes children vulnerable?
Children who feel lonely, neglected, unloved and bored are generally at higher risk for addictions as an escape from life than those who are happy, well-adjusted and busy. So, it’s often a good strategy to busy them with real life experiences and help them bind their hearts to real people in real relationships. Children who are busy with creative activities and closely knit to their families are less likely to feel the need to escape into a digital fantasy world. But even with the best and most loving support system, any child can be caught in the screen’s hypnotic spell if they spend enough time in its addictive sphere of influence.
The emotional love tank is probably one of the most influential keys when it comes to the subject of addiction endangerment. People who feel unloved, unaccepted or forgotten will generally have greater challenges staying independent of digital media.
How can parents help?
So, how can we prevent our children from crossing the line to addiction? It’s not easy. The best and easiest way would be to keep them away from digital influences while they’re young. The longer you can drag it out, the better. Here are some ideas and principles to promote:
- Legos instead of Minecraft
- books instead of iPads
- nature and sports instead of TV
- friends instead of Facebook for social interaction
- creative fun and games instead of game apps
- make music instead of listening (music lessons)
Unfortunately, the addictive world of media and screens tends to disturb and destroy the desire for more natural, creative activities.
If your child’s school has not yet realized the dangers of media on young minds, you may have to come to your child’s defense and insist that he or she not be confronted with these devices until the age of at least 10 (12 would be better). Request that neutral experts be invited to speak and highlight the subject at a parent-teacher meeting, so that both parents and teachers may be properly informed and receive suggestions on how to best deal with the situation.
Speaking of experts, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both raised their children with minimal technology and had clear rules. “No tech at the table” would be a great rule for every family. That may seem a bit harsh for some, but mealtimes should be jealously guarded as a time dedicated to family relationships and communication. Whatever rules you make, take the time to patiently explain your position to your children. They should understand why you don’t want them playing with their devices so much and why too much can be harmful.
Children want to be strong
You can help your children by pointing out some disadvantages of unhealthy choices. Explain how these devices can make them lose interest in playing ball, reading, playing with bugs and frogs by the creek and spending time with the people they love. If they have seen some of these changes in their friends who are more digitally connected, it won’t be too hard to convince them. Additionally, if you speak your child’s love language (BLOG) during the process, you will definitely be successful.
Lastly: Be a good example. Children like learning from their parents (BLOG). It’s their nature. The Bavarian comedian Karl Valentin once said, “We don’t need to teach our children anything. They only copy what we do anyway.”
When parents and teachers apply the love languages (BLOG) and encourage their children wherever they can, precious relationships and self-esteem are built and strengthened. Children will love and appreciate everyone who gives them the support they need.
The Rest of the Ingrid – Story
Finally, Ingrid was able to liberate Mark from his tablet, but it was an uphill battle with many skirmishes and setbacks on the way to recovery.
Mark is doing much better today, after four years of learning to use his computer in a more healthy way. His life is more balanced now. He has joined a baseball team and has several really good friends at school. His mother still keeps a watchful eye on his tech usage, knowing that a moment of weakness could mean relapse, as with any other addiction. Healthy hobbies, no computer in his bedroom and “no tech at the table” are a few of the important ingredients in the recipe that spells success for Mark.
A healthy lifestyle (BLOG) also promotes a strong frontal lobe (BLOG), which in turn helps children make good decisions for a bright future.
Too Much Screen Time – Test *
These simple questions can help determine whether or not screen time is harming your child's overall health. Give a score to each question using the following ratings:
- 0 = never or rarely true
- 1 = occasionally true
- 2 = usually true
- 3 = always true
10 Test Questions
- Your child is upset when you ask him to stop his screen activity to come to dinner or another activity.
- Your child asks you to buy a digital device such as an iPod after you have already said no.
- Your child has trouble completing his homework because he is busy watching television or playing video games.
- Your child refuses to help with chores around the house, choosing instead to play with screens.
- Your child asks to play a video game or other screen-related activity after you have said no.
- Your child does not get sixty minutes of physical activity each day.
- Your child does not give frequent eye contact to others in the home.
- Your child would rather play video games than go outside to play with friends.
- Your child doesn't really enjoy anything that does not involve screens.
- If you restricted all screen use for one day, your child would be irritable and whiny.
Evaluation
0-10 Points: Your child does not appear to have too much screen time. He seems able to exercise appropriate control and boundaries.
11-20 Points: Your child may be depending an screen time too much. You will want to monitor screen time more judiciously and watch for growing reliance upon screens.
21-30 Points: Your child may be addicted to screens. You may want to meet with a counselor, pastor, or parent you respect for advice.
* This test is taken from the book "Growing Up Social" by Gary Chapman & Arlene Pellicane
Look for these and many other helpful resources at
www.5Lovelanguages.com.
- Drills for Grown-Up Social Success, six interactive scenarios to help you build your child's confidence in courtesies and social interaction.
- 25 Common Courtesies for Kids, a quick list to help you shape goals and expectations for your child's behavior.
- The Love Languages Mystery Game to help you determine your child's primary love language.
- 50 Table Talk Questions for Your Family, a guide to fresh and lively conversations at family mealtimes.
